The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
