Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
Randomize
