how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
Just looking for some anal play. An attempting to read atonement. The highbrow/lowbrow divide is striking.
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
Randomize
