"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
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