Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
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