What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Randomize
