I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
I'm playing a drinking game with nyc prep. This will not end well for meeee
Everytime the gay dude pretends he's not gay, drink a cosmo. Everytime the crosseyed girl is crosseyed, kill her
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
Randomize
