Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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