I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Randomize