I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
