so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
Randomize
