If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
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