I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
When did we convert life to cartoon?
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
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