She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
Randomize
