We're like a lot better than the average bears
I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
Randomize
