You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
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