By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
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