So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
Randomize
