dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
Randomize
