I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
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