Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
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