the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
Randomize
