what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
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