Help. Asians are flirting in front of me(773): They speak asian
You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
Randomize
