Ikea night.
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Insert tab A into swedish slot B
Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
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