ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
Randomize
