I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
Randomize
