You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
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