i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
Randomize
