I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
Never let your siblings swipe right.
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
Randomize
