Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
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