I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
We're using joints as your birthday candles
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
Randomize
