I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
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