Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
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