dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
I have so many feelings about this burrito
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Randomize