Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
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