Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
I need to stop coming to work sober
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
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