Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
Randomize
