I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
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I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
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THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
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