Taylor Swift is so right about you.
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
