i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
Then you guys just all showered together...?
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
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