your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Randomize
