oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
Randomize