The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
Randomize
