The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
Do you remember whose house we're in?
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
Randomize
