I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
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