I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
Randomize
