Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
Randomize
