I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
Randomize
