i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
Randomize
