well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
Randomize
