yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
Randomize
