38 yer olds are good kisserssss
Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
my poor anus
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
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