my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
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