I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
Is her dick bigger than yours?
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Randomize
