I was hooking up with him in my car, he wouldn't stop with my nipples, I had to literally beat him off of me. He kept groaning too while he was doing it. Sick.
Mommy issues
Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
Randomize
