I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
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