I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
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