I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
Randomize
