Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
Randomize
