i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
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