These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
Randomize
