I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
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