I met the friendliest cop last night
Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
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