worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
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