Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
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