He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
Randomize
