it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
Randomize
