Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
Randomize
