yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
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