i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
Where are you guys?
Drunk
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize
