Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
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